Saturday, December 11, 2010

Xan: Marshrooms and more

And now back to our regular programming.  The kitchen was out of order again after Thanksgiving, but we're back in action.  On the menu today: Thanksgiving leftovers!  Specifically, we still had some uneaten turkey bits.

Now, I know what you're thinking.  And before you go there, the answer is no, we have not had turkey sitting in our fridge for the last several weeks. That would be ridiculous! Who do you think I am, my father?  No, unlike him, my fridge does not contain a bajillion acres of deep shelf space for "dry aging" leftovers, as he would say.  My fridge is a normal size, which means we can't afford to leave anything in there for weeks.  The space is too precious.  Therefore I kept my turkey bits under my desk.


I am talking, of course, about the marshmallows that propped up the tails of the turkey cupcakes from Thanskgiving.  That's right: turkey butts.  There were a lot of leftovers, even despite the fact that Catherine recently discovered their hiding place.

To use them up, I went ahead and Invented these marshrooms:

I don't know if Liz would be excited, or disappointed that they aren't really mushrooms.

Bottoms up!  Ready to grab.

Indeed, this may well be my most complex and groundbreaking invention to date.  Or not.  It probably depends on your ability to detect sarcasm in the written word.  There comes a time when we all must look ourselves in the mirror and ask: Am I, in fact, Tammy Zooo?  And if you are the type of person who answers no solely due to your own inadequate spelling ability, then I will remind you that no matter how many layers you may claim to have, I am very, very good at chopping onions.  Seriously, I have a lot of practice.  Do you know how many onions come through our doors every week? (Answer: MANY, though technically the kitchen has just one door).  There is literally nothing that makes Catherine happier than a well-chopped onion.  (Incidentally, it used to be that nothing brought more tears to my eyes.  But then she bought me onion goggles.)

In any case, whoever may stare back at you when you look into the mirror, one thing is for certain.  You, yes you, are currently reading this blog.  That makes you special, and at Vongsafood, specialness does not go unnoticed, or unrewarded.  And so, just as a special treat, I have decided to let you in on how I came up with this special treat.  Attention!  Below you may find some real insights into my creative cooking process.

Xan's Marshrooms:


  • 15 leftover turkey butts
  • 4 squares of leftover unsweetened baking chocolate you bought one time by accident
  • several handfuls of powdered sugar
  • Leftover coconut sugar coating from Sweet Potato Balls recipe (see below)


  • Put the butts on a plate in the freezer.  Completely forget about them until at least an hour later.
  • Meanwhile, melt the chocolate in the microwave, heating repeatedly for 15 second intervals.  When the chocolate is bubbling and lumpy from overcooking, you are done.  Grab a few handfuls of powdered sugar directly from the bag*. Mix the sugar into the chocolate to cancel out the unreasonable bitterness of completely unsweetened chocolate (this will not actually work for any feasible amount of sugar, but imagine how bad it would be if you didn't do anything).
  • Remember that you left something in the freezer, like, over an hour ago.  Congratulations people, your butts are now rock hard and you didn't even have to go to the all night gym. Unfortunately, as is often the case, quick-gotten gains turn into even quicker-gotten losses.  In just 20 minutes, the butts will be mostly restored to their former softness. 
  • Dip the cold butts into the melted chocolate and then dredge in the coconut mixture.  Put back on the plate and serve to your delighted guests**.

*Portioning by hand is a bad idea for some ingredients, but you should really give it a try with powdered sugar.  You absolutely will not make a mess all over your counter and any surface within a 10 foot radius.  Trust me, it works!
**The only person who will actually like these is Tammy, for reasons that are surely obvious to you by now, provided your name isn't actually Tammy.  This was empirically verified tonight when she gave them two thumbs up.  Needless to say, this rating was at least twice as high as any of our other raters.

Now, I know you're eager to make yourselves some marshrooms.  But as is evident from the recipe, you will first have to make these sweet potato balls which, incidentally, also require leftover turkey:

Crispy coconut sweet potato shell on the outside, gooey marshmallow center.

Disclaimer:  Turkey butts have been known to expand to astounding diameters when subjected to high heat.  The sweet potato shells that housed them were at least three sizes too small.  Here's a more representative picture:

To be honest, I wasn't particularly impressed with the tastiness of these guys.  Too much nutmeg, for sure.  I don't know if I would make them again, but I think we can all agree that the concept, at least, is fantastic.

In any case, it's good to be back in action!

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