Saturday, June 30, 2012

Xan: Iceland and England (Part 1)

Iceland!  And England!  The next few posts will recap our vacation to Iceland and England.  I promise that each post will have at least some food in it.

In the wake of the economic meltdown, food in Iceland is affordable, though still on the expensive side.  But Grandma gave us some travel money, so we just decided: this is our first big vacation in 3 years, and we're making the most of it.  Thanks, Grandma!  It would be a pity to make it all the way to Iceland and not try the puffin.  Or the whaley-whales.  Or the lammykins.

We will come to those.  But first an overview.  We were in Iceland for 8 days.  That means I am a certified Iceland expert.  I have seen everything.  I have eaten everything.  I even know how to pronounce Eyjafjallajokull.  

By contrast, we were in England for 5 days.  Therefore I have seen almost none of England and am not even qualified to pronounce "pasty," although I did eat a "brace" of them (assuming that applies to something other than quail, pictures forthcoming).  But since most of our readers are essentially Brits, my ignorance will probably make this more interesting.  A brace of pasties, he says!  Rhymes with tasty, he says!  Wait, is "tasty" still "tasty" in England?

I'm sure the French would say no.  But the Vongsafood Fren-shhhhhh policy is in full force, so they don't get a say.  English food is delicious, period

This would be a good stopping point for the intro, but since I promised each post would have some food in it, I am forced to contradict my previous sentence with a non-example.  Let's call this "doughnut" the exception that proves the rule:

"Jam Doughnut!"

It isn't really fair since donuts aren't British food.  But I've been warned that they haven't exactly figured them out, so I was curious.  What could possibly be so wrong with this?  I mean, really, how bad could a doughnut be?  From the outside, it looks like a normal jelly donut.  But on closer inspection, it is clearly misspelled.  It should be called a "donot," as in do not buy this sorry excuse for a donut.  The dough was just...dry...and the jam was so runny that it kind of exploded on my face.  At least Chris got a good laugh out of it.  

Incidentally, "Jam Doughnut!" makes a really good minced oath.  Try it!  Put on your best Papagrumps impression.  JAM DOUGHNUT!  I'm going to start using that.

But let me say that my spirit when traveling -- which I really do hold to -- is that I'm always glad to have tried something, whether or not it turns out to be good.  This was a truly mind-expanding experience.  It was bad in ways I couldn't possibly have anticipated, it was literally worse than every donut I have ever eaten in my entire life.  And the truly bizarre thing, I come to realize, is that it looks exactly like a delicious donut from the outside, but on the inside it possesses none of the requisite parts that make a donut delicious. England has perfected the cargo cult donut!

But evidently, perhaps as a sheer testament to the incredible awesomeness of donuts, this Worst Of All Donuts was still better than not eating.  I finished the whole thing.

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